If I Catch Your Man with Another Woman,
I Won’t Be Letting You Know
Written by Kacey Smith
Like any other woman, I love my girlfriends and I am highly loyal to them. I wouldn’t be who I am without them. Whether they are having financial struggles, problems with their children, difficulties with their newfound single-hood, etc… I’m there. I only offer advice when solicited though. I’ve learned in my 31 years that people are going to do what the hell they want no matter what advice you give them. I’ve had friends who jumped into relationships and marriages too fast, moved in too soon, moved across country for someone, had children with certain people and a string of other interesting choices. And each time, my advice was never taken. As a matter of fact, it almost ended some of my friendships. I can be a bit of a know it all though, and I recognize that. So, I learned to change my approach when it came to the issues my friends were experiencing. If they decide to vent to me, I simply offer a listening ear. I love them, and sometimes that’s all someone needs. If advice is requested I will certainly offer it without holding back. But that’s rare. Most people don’t wanna hear my mouth.
Now, I have friends who have been in questionable relationships (we all have) and this normally puts me on high alert. I have a fear of their hearts getting broken or it just becoming a bad ending overall. I am positive my friends have felt the same for me with some of my previous romantic escapades. But I made a conscious decision to dodge most shenanigans, especially if dude isn’t hurting her physically. I will do my part to try to empower my friends and help open their minds about aspects they may not notice, but for the most part I keep my mouth shut. I was once asked, “If you saw your friend’s man out with another woman, would you tell her?” The answer for me is always going to be “no”. Yes, for some people this makes me a bad friend. But let me give you a few scenarios and maybe you can see my point of view:
Scenario 1: I tell my friend. She gets pissed at me and assumes I am trying to sabotage her relationship (which happens way more often than one would think). We have a falling out. Friendship is over. She ultimately learns the truth about her man because it will definitely come out in one way or another, but the friendship is over and it’s really hard to come back from a lost of trust.
Scenario 2: I tell my friend. She confronts her significant other about it. He admits it (or not) but finds a way to put her mind at ease. Let’s face it, he’s sleeping with her…this task is not difficult when two people are in love. She is slightly embarrassed around me now knowing that she took him back. She doesn’t like to have me around him because of the new awkwardness. And if they’re married, this is significantly worse. At the end of the day, I’m the bad guy. That’s tough to come back from no matter what direction their relationship goes.
Scenario 3: I don’t tell my friend. Our friendship remains. She ultimately finds out on her own. I will be there for her in whatever comes next.
Now, on a case by case basis, there may be instances where I would confront dude. Like “bruh, stop being a dog to my friend and we won’t have any problems.” Or just be petty and ask how my friend is doing in front of the mystery chick. That’s not really my style but it can be amusing in the right setting. However, the issue with telling her overall is that unless he’s tonguing someone down in a restaurant, I don’t know who the person is or what is happening. Why cause a rift in my friend’s relationship when the encounter could be harmless?