Kacey's Corner

August 2015

I’m Beautiful and SINGLE: 6 Reasons I Don’t Get Approached

I’m Beautiful and SINGLE!
6 Reasons I Don’t Get Approached

Written by Kacey Smith

I am young, beautiful and SINGLE. And no I am not crazy. The most frustrating yet common question I get from men is “girl you so fine, how could you possibly be single?” While these men are not intending to be rude, it is rather insulting. But I get why they would wonder. I seem level headed enough, have an awesome sense of humor and I’m pretty easy on the eyes. Not being vain, just keeping it all the way real. Outside of these men putting their feet in their mouths, it does make me consider what my problem is. And most the time, it’s not even just why I’m single, it’s also why I’m not even getting APPROACHED sometimes. So let’s open up Pandora’s box shall we?

1. I’m Intimidating: I know, it seems presumptuous but men can be intimidated just as easily as women can. I’ve been told I’m unapproachable and that men feel like they will get shot down if they even look in my direction.

2. Men Assume I’m Not Single: see the paragraph above. So, they simply don’t even try. Unless they’re just trying to fuck, then that’s different.

3. I Lack Confidence (which comes through in social settings): This is me being extremely vulnerable here ya’ll. After years of not finding the right one, being picked on as an awkward child and rarely being approached as an adult, has picked away at my confidence little by little. At work I am a POWERHOUSE. I moved up the ranks quickly and make a very comfortable living for myself. But when it comes to dating, I always feel something is wrong with me or that I’m not worthy of love. I think many women feel this way and aren’t comfortable admitting it. It’s okay ladies, you’re not alone.


4. Men Can SMELL the Desperation: Like any other animal, humans have animal instincts. As humans we can smell fear on a person and even desperation. So some men who are not intimidated by my beauty (see reason #1) do approach me and attempt to spark conversation. If a man talks to me, and I’m physically very attracted to him, he can tell right away and immediately knows he has the upper hand. I’m no good at playing hard to get and I’m old school so I don’t play the “how long do you wait before you call” bullshit. If I like you, I’ll reach out. If you text me and my phone is in my hand, I’ll respond. But nowadays, this comes off as “thirsty” and we end up in this cat and mouse chase until things eventually fizzle. I may want to find companionship as much as the next girl, but I have no desire to play games. On to the next.

5. They Know I’m Not on Bullshit: Piggy backing on the reasons above, I’m not so desperate or unsure of myself that I will sell my dignity up the river. I know that I am a good catch and a good person. I have a lot going for myself and have no reason to settle. This may seem like this contradicts reason #3 but there is a fine line between the two. In social settings I can be a bit reserved and meek. But I have seen men looking in my direction and we smile at one another but he never comes my way. I do notice at some point the type of women he DOES talk to. They normally are more scantily clad and are on some “ratchet” shit in the club. Ya’ll know who I’m talking about.

6. I Don’t Make Myself APPROACHABLE: I’ve read that the number of friends you go out with has a lot to do with whether men will approach you or not. They say the number of women who should go out together is three. Apparently three is the perfect number. With just two women, a man may not want to approach you because you won’t want to leave your friend alone. Three is solid because your two friends will have each other if he pulls you away. Four or more is intimidating to men according to studies. Or whatever. But I have a squad. There are like 6 of us. So, really I just need to do better in this regard. Oh well. I could probably smile more too. So, there’s that.

While being single isn’t a ton of fun, I will admit that I have learned a lot about myself during this period. Though it can play with my ego at times, the reality is that I have kinda learned to love my time alone. As cliche as it sounds, there are benefits to becoming a good friend to one’s own self. Because if the opposite of my situation is changing who I am at the core just to appease some random dude for fear of being alone, I’d MUCH prefer my snacks, comfy socks, and Suits. I mean for real, have you seen the wardrobe on this show???

Yeah, maybe this is all for a reason… I need to get my money up!


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