November 2016

To Make His Plate or Not Make His Plate

To Make His Plate or Not Make His Plate

Written by Kacey Alana

Now that we’ve turned that corner and passed Halloween, we are heading into the most treacherous time of the year: THE HOLIDAYS. This period is pivotal in the maintenance of stable/successful relationships. Should you buy a gift? If so, what gift should you get? What attire should you wear to your boo’s holiday work event? Whose house do you celebrate the holiday? And of course the very tricky topic of once dinner is served, should you make his plate?

I’m making dude’s plate. That’s just how a sista rolls. (Auto correct tried to change that to “sister”. Nah fam.)

I grew up in two different households. My mother and step-father and my father and step-mother shaped the woman I have become. Both relationships were very different, but the mentality was very much the same in several aspects. My mother used to make my step-dad bacon and eggs on command. As I grew older and my “independence” started to flourish, this disgusted me! “He doesn’t make YOU bacon and eggs every day!” I thought. My step-mother told me, “I never serve your father dinner on a paper plate, that is not how you serve the man of your household. Remember that.” The rest of us chillins were eating on paper plates low-key though. Again, my blood boiled.

From the outside looking in, I saw my “mothers” as submissive in various ways and I for one did not appreciate it. Not. At. All. They worked just as much as my “fathers” and raised us kids as well. But what I didn’t see was the relationship behind the scenes. The things my father did for my step-mom and how loving to her he was in ways I never knew. How he wiped her tears and worked his ass off each day for extremely long hours. Never missed a day of work. My step-father was grinding and helping to put me through private school as my mother worked part-time and reached for entrepreneurial endeavors. But none of that matters. My mothers were happy and who the hell was I to judge how they loved and catered to the men in their lives?

As I’ve grown older, in a generation of independent young women, I’m seeing less and less of that. Personally, as I’ve developed, I find myself adopting the habits of my mothers in my relationships. And as I do, I notice how surprised and appreciative the men I’ve dated seem to be when they experience it. I’ve been told that it’s refreshing. I then also find the things they in turn do for me. And we organically become selfless in how we treat one another. When we’ve split up, it’s was for some other shit. Just in case you were curious…

At barbecues or social dinners, when I’m around other women my age, I notice that they scoff at the idea of making their man’s plate or grabbing him another beer. Or any small gesture of that sort. But why? And on the other hand, I see the men very reluctant to share his feelings about the woman he loves at risk of looking too “soft”. Or having the Cliff Huxtable “fear” of his woman. (too soon?) But seriously, when did we all turn our collective noses up?


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