The Tales

August 2015

Why Drake Makes The Best Girlfriend

Why Drake Makes The Best Girlfriend
Written by Jason William Johnson

I’m a huge fan of rap music.   Being an 80’s baby, I feel that the golden era of hip-hop was the early to late 90s. Nonetheless, I feel that there is a lot of diversity in the rap game today, and each artist brings different qualities to the table.

In addition to rap music, I’m a huge fan of people finding romance. As a man who is almost in his mid-thirties, I recognize the importance of finding someone to start the next phase of your life with.   There are several studies out there that suggest that being in a healthy relationship has positive benefits such as increased self-esteem, reduced stress, and longer life span for married men.     My girlfriend and I often try to play matchmaker with our friends (with varying degrees of success) for this reason.

So, imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon the revelation that rap music can be used as a guideline for dating success.   Yes you heard me correct, RAP MUSIC is the key to you finding your bae, boo, soulmate or whatever you prefer to call them. Basically, in the dating world there are three types of people: the J. Cole guy/girl, the Future guy/girl, and the Drake guy/girl.


JCole In Article

Person #1- The J. Cole Guy/ Girl

As a true hip-hop head, I respect J. Cole’s lyrical ability.   He makes good music. The problem is that after I hear it once, I never want to hear it again. When each of his albums dropped, I really wanted to like each one of them, I really did. I listened to each in their entirety, acknowledged that they were good, but just never felt compelled to play them again.

Fellas, a J. Cole girl is the one you see walking down the street, acknowledge she’s cute, but don’t feel compelled to holler at. Or if you do holler at her and get the math, you lose interest in her after a short amount of time. Maybe she’s boring, doesn’t share your same interests, or is pretty but not “sexy” enough. Maybe she isn’t freaky enough, or nags too much. Regardless of the reason, you acknowledge she’s a good girl, but you just can’t be anything more than a friend with benefits with her.

Ladies, a J. Cole guy is the one you know is a good catch, would successfully pass your brother’s or dad’s interrogation, and that you know your mother would love. He has a relationship with God, has a great career, and is smart. Despite all of these positive qualities, you just aren’t going. A lot of vertically challenged brothers get J. Cole’d (aka friend-zoned), as do plenty of “nice guys” who don’t know how to create sexual tension between them and their love interest. Basically J. Cole girls and guys are good people, and you want to like them for that reason, but you just can’t get into them.


Future In Article

Person #2- The Future Guy/Girl

Why I like Future boggles my mind. His lyrical content is atrocious frankly. He raps at a Sesame Street level, and I would put my money on Burt or Ernie if either of them had to battle him in a cypher.   Despite these shortcomings, I LOVE his music and he stays in my Spotify rotation. It’s likely because his beats more than make up for his lyrical deficits.

A Future girl/ guy gal is a person with serious flaws, but you deal with them because you share great sexual chemistry. Fellas, this is the woman who has a terrible attitude and is extremely selfish, but when the lights go out the “Karate Chop” is off the chain.   Ladies, this is the dude who is unemployed with no ambition, but you tolerate it because he puts it down in the bedroom.   You may enjoy the situation for the moment, but just like any Future song you eventually get tired of it and move on to the next one.


Drake In Article

Person #3- The Drake Guy/Girl

Drake’s songs typically have great lyrics and a great beat. They have the lyrical content that allow you to respect him as an emcee, but they also have a dope beat that allows you to turn up in the club. I also find that a Drake record has a decent shelf life (I’m still banging several songs from Nothing was the Same).   In other words, a Drake record has a good balance.

The Drake guy/girl is the one that has perfect balance.   He or she is a good catch, has that fire in the bedroom, and is interesting enough to keep your attention for the long term. A Drake guy/girl even has the ability to be vulnerable with you and share their deepest feelings (think Marvin’s Room or From Time).    Those of you who aren’t Drake fans may prefer to call this person the Jay-Z guy/girl or any other artist that has mastered the equilibrium of commercial appeal and flow. Regardless of what you call them, this is the person who has the delicate balance needed for you to have a successful, long term relationship with them.    So when you’re out there dating, keep a look out for your Drake guy or your Drake girl. Just don’t go “Zero to 100 real quick” when you finally find them.

So let’s be clear that while both men AND women may lie, the numbers do not. And the numbers dictate that Drake is winning right now. However, despite the sound argument that I have put forth, one cannot deny that the heart desires what it desires, regardless of how illogical it may appear. Share your thoughts on what “Rapper-Type” works out best for you. And if you need a Chief Keef between the sheets, I promise I won’t laugh too hard.

So The Tequila Tales asks the Internet, who is your #RapQueen?





A Story ABOUT Chicago, Told BY Chicago



No Comments

Comments are closed.